Sigma’s Simulacrum of Reality

If I seem to ramble incoherently in these JJ1 entries of mine, forgive me I just can’t be stuffed to organised everything nicely into timelines and character expositions. Just. Too. Lazy…. La.

Neways, I remembered a few hilarious incidents in high school. It was during Form 4. There was this guy called LHL in my class. A klutz, but a sort of friend of mine anyways. He was really, and I mean REALLY into this girl called….. something Can’t remember anymore. Anyway, she was also a prefect, so I got to see what the big deal about her was. After checking her out, I admit that she was pretty cute, in a Jap anime kinda way. But I didn’t think LHL ever stood a realistic chance anyways. Nevertheless he didn’t let little things like that stand in his way! He started writing secret admirer letters to her. It was hilarious! He then read his masterpieces to us for our opinions Happily for him, he got back replies from her. However, the verdict wasn’t good. But it was nice of her to let him down relatively softly. I had her as one of those bitchy cheerleading types before. Good for her. I once got drawn into a bet with Johnny Lim as well in trying to get her number I honestly cannot remember whether I succeeded or not I remembered meeting and having small talk with her. But I probably didn’t get it Also can’t remember whether Johnny managed to get it or not too. Jeez, my memory’s shit.

Another incident was really straight out of a Hong Kong cops vs triads movie scene. I was patrolling (of all places) close to the toilets there, and my partner and me smelled cigarette smoke. Fcuk. So we had to investigate it. With a couple of sharp pens as our weapon, we cautiously entered the toilet. In there, there was 4 well known gangsters having a smoke. I was like, “You wanna shove those ciggies up your asses?” (As if! You think I’ve lost it?) More like “Dudes, can’t smoke here”.

And the ringleader courteously told me to have intercourse with my mother.

Which I politely declined. “No thank you. Why don’t you try that instead?” (Again, you didn’t seriously believe that, did you?)

Instead,

Me: “Come outside with me please”
Ugly triad guy: “Fuck you”
Me: “You’re really not my type. Please come outside with me”
Them: Profanities. Middle fingers. Offerings of settling this with us “one by one” (???) I think they meant to say “one on one”, but were stymied by their fragile grasp of the English language

At this point, he and his four friends started ganging up on us. We were like, “Fuck shit, what to do now? Only 17, don’t wanna become paralysed just yet”

If I remembered correctly, I also kinda lost it at this point. I missed my lunch. Needed to pee. And just got rejected by this girl I really liked early in the day. I started yelling something to the effect of: “Motherfuckers, touch us and we will make sure you’ll get your asses kicked out of this school!”

It was a gamble, trying to out-threaten a gangster, but thankfully it worked at that moment. With the disgusting state of our toilets, I think getting our heads shoved into the toilet bowls would have resulted in us getting admitted to the hospital for severe ‘food poisoning’.

Anyway, been nice rumbling about my old school days. Until I remember other interesting moments there, I’ll sign off for now. Adious!

Part 1
Part 2